Dear Parents . . .

Dear Parents,

Many of you were concerned about the attempt by President Obama to indoctrinate your children. Have no fear. We did not allow students to view this broadcast. We, as educators, are well aware that one time exposures to video can instantly and irrevocably change students. Additionally, politics have never played any part in education and we’ll do our best to make sure they never will.

Please also be alert to other possible attempts to indoctrinate your children. Warning signs for indoctrination include the following:

  • your children are isolated from your influence for long periods of time
  • fear, threats and punishment are used as motivators
  • your children are forced to memorize very specific information
  • individuality is suppressed

Now in other news, we’ll be extending the school year1 to become more competitive in the global economy. I’m sure you’ll all be for this move unless you’d like to become slaves to the Chinese. Remember 21st Century Skills were laid out by business leaders who have told us exactly what your children should know so they’ll be good workers. Clearly our business leaders know exactly what they’re doing and know exactly what education needs to do.

Finally, make sure you’re bringing the school day home! We’ve sent home flashcards and extra homework. Remember, if your child doesn’t pass the state test they will be unable to graduate and will ultimately end up homeless, alone and incurably bitter.

Welcome back to school!

Yours in Administration,

Principal Jim Jones2

1 expect school hour extensions as well if scores don’t improve

2 If you found any of this to be an exaggeration or humorous, please visit a school and then re-read.

Comments on this post

  1. Jim said on September 19, 2009 at 7:57 pm

    The Chinese are indeed a threat, and I am all for business men and women determining the future of our school system, I mean look what they did with the housing and stock markets—it makes total sense.

    These sarcastic posts read like apocalyptic letters from the future. And I think Jim Jones, the Principal, would make a very interesting character to flesh out more. How cool would it be to make a group blog of characters you create. All fictional, but dealing with the various issues you want to cover with some kind comedy.

  2. Tom said on September 19, 2009 at 8:21 pm

    Between our environment, the great depression, junk bonds, the savings and loan scandals, and our current mess- I think business has proven it only has our best interests at heart and that it will proceed with caution and due diligence.

    It would be a lot of fun to have a whole blog full of fake characters. It’d be like my childhood- lots of imaginary friends. Doing the starry eyed ed tech guy would be soooooo much fun.

  3. Jim said on September 19, 2009 at 8:34 pm

    Yeah, you could do a crazy starry-eyed edtech guy, and also a pretty wicked doom and gloom one as you are proving again and again. I’m finding more and more the narratives and characters are the best way to bring the horror of our current educational system home for me. I love this stuff.